Humble Valley Ranch..it is a real place…at least from a heavenly perspective for now

Okay, okay! Enough people have asked, “Where is Humble Valley Ranch?” and “What is Humble Valley Ranch?” So, let me tell you what I know. But be prepared, there are lots of details.

In approximately 2003, I had my second ever recurring dream. (First one is here) It was the type of recurring dream where it continues from night to night without starting over from the beginning.

The first night I dreamed I was in a vehicle that was driving towards what looked like a cliff. But before the turn in the road towards the left to keep us from going over the cliff, there was a sudden right turn. This road hugged a wall to the right and then led into a valley with white barked trees.

Upon entering the valley, I could see what looked like a Holiday Inn style hotel building with a very humongous barn just passed it. On the left was a large home with a covered wagon style wagon in the front.

The vehicle came to a stop in front what looked like a two-story log-style home. As I said before, it was very large. In the front yard was a wagon that was filled with dirt and covered with strawberry plants. There were pots here and there hanging from poles filled with herb and spice plants as well as other types of berries. It seemed like every species of plant in the yard was edible or grew something that could be eaten.

The front of the house had a screened in porch that ran the length of the building. This had chairs and sofas looking out towards the front yard. It looked very comforting and inviting.

Inside the house, there was a entryway that led to the stairs (or possibly elevator??). To the right of this was a large sitting room without a TV. This room also looked very inviting.

Upstairs, there were 6-8 rooms each with a theme from the Bible. One was David and Goliath. I don’t remember the rest. Each had their own bathroom. Upstairs there was also a sitting room. And there was a door that led out to a very large deck that had a barbeque grill built into it and there were a lot of tables and chairs. From this deck, there was a bridge that went over a stream that ran behind the house. This bridge led to a grassy knoll. There was also a stairway that led back downstairs to the kitchen/dining room door on the back of the house.

Not only did the stairway lead down to the kitchen/dining room door, but just past it was a gate of a very huge garden that was being watered by the stream. The garden also had a place where people could sit and fish, and a sort of sink-like setup with counter for cleaning the fish.

Going into the door of the house, there was a dining room with a very long picnic style table. To the left was a restaurant sized kitchen with restaurant sized stove, oven, refrigerator and dishwasher. Then past that was a door that led to an office and bedroom and sitting room of the “house parents” or the people who were in charge of the home.

In the basement of this house had theater type setup with seating and big screen. But I don’t recall where the stairs to this were. It would make sense to me that they were part of the stairs (elevator??) leading upstairs. (Hmmm🤔 I don’t recall a laundry room but there must have been one somewhere).

One last thing was that when you went out the dining room/kitchen door to the left, you would go under the deck and then there was a white bark tree lined path that led down the stream to the base of the cliff. There was a cave in the side of the cliff. The bank of the stream was wide enough at this place that there was a fire pit with downed trees surrounding it for people to sit on. I could imagine worship nights there.

I think all of the above was from the first night of the dream. But I don’t remember. What seemed to be another night was what felt like a tour of the hotel style structure and barn area.

The hotel style structure had two-stories and eight hotel style rooms, four on the first floor and four on the second floor. Each of the rooms had a bed, bathroom and a small microwave. These rooms would be for those who are working the land and working with the animals.

The barn had a door on the side from the hotel style structure. As you entered, on the left was a coffee pot and small refrigerator and kitchen style sink with cups and glasses on the open shelves.

The barn also had two big doors on the front of the building facing the house. Inside the barn, there were horse stalls on the wall just past the small door. There was a stairway that went up through the middle of the barn There were also separate indoor pens/coops with animal appropriate sized doors leading out for goats, sheep, chickens, ducks, geese and turkeys. (Questioning to myself if there were cows in the mix…I don’t remember.)

The second story of the barn had a hay loft. I think there might have been more up there, but I don’t remember. This seemed to be the end of the dream for another night. As far as I was concerned, that could have been the end.

But it wasn’t. The next night I was back at this same place. I found myself being led from the mostly empty parking lot between the house and the barn heading opposite of the cliff. There were white barked trees on either side of a path big enough for two horses to walk next to one another. Every once in awhile there would be a bench here and there along the path.

This seemed to be at least one-half to three-quarters of a mile. At the end of this path was an A-frame log-style chapel. It was beautiful. There was an intricate stained glass window in the triangle between the door and the frame of the roof.

Indoor, at the back of the chapel was a small-ish sitting area. Then past it there were what looked like hand-crafted redwood benches (like church pews) with hand-sewn cushions made in the same colors of the stained-glass window. The front of the chapel and podium were also what seem to be hand-crafted in redwood as well. It was quaint and comfortable. And the presence of HOLY SPIRIT was very sweet. I wanted to stay there but I was encouraged to move on because there was something else that needed to be seen.

I was again at the parking lot between the house and the barn. I was led as if going back to the chapel but before I got to the tree lined path, I turned right, past animal pens and coops. I saw machines that were used for large crop planting and harvest. As I was lead past them, I saw that the land above was also part of this property. And it had at least two types of crops. Each had to be 5 or so acres worth. I also seem to recall a helipad, but don’t remember if it was near the parking lot or somewhere else.

After having this dream for three or four nights, I stated asking GOD questions. Is this place real. I asked Him that if it was real, then to please give me a name for it. I heard, “Humble Valley Ranch”. I asked Him if it was supposed to be a place that I helped bring into existence that He would protect this name from other people using it. I thought it was going to be a retreat home for pastors and elders.

For awhile I thought that there was no way that a person could be given such a great number of details about a place or a even a building. But I have read the multiple times throughout the Bible that GOD gave even details down to the measurements of the walls or materials. So, now I know He is able to do this. He is a GOD of details.

I have not understood why He would give this dream to me. I did live on something like a ranch when I was a child. I loved the animals. But I have know it would take much more knowledge and strength than I have.

Even though it has not come from heaven to earth in the natural, GOD has protected the name. And more and more, I believe that it is real and GOD will bring it to pass when He is ready. Where will it be? I don’t know.

As I said before, I thought that it would be a retreat center for pastors and elders. But through experiences of my own as well as some very dear friends of mine, I am coming to understand that this will be a resting place for pastors and missionaries who have had emotional or mental breakdowns or who have experienced trauma in such a way that they need help beyond what they can get while continuing to work. Not only will the “house parents” be able to counsel them but so will the ranch hands. It will be a working ranch where they are required to get up and help with part of the chores but will be able to find time to find healing. Also, there will be no charge for them to be there and no limit in the amount of time they are able to stay. They will be encouraged and challenged to grow and get back to the work GOD has called them to do.

So, there you have it. Now you know as much as I do about Humble Valley Ranch. If GOD leads you to this valley, please let me know where it is. I look forward to seeing how GOD will bring it to pass!

Funny How GOD Works

Few weeks ago, I was watching Christian comedians on YouTube. I was just letting the videos play one after another. I had never heard of Michael Jr, but thought I would give a listen. 

After the show, another video popped up and it felt sort of like Michael Jr was talking to me. He was saying that he wrote a book and was looking for people who would be on his lunch team – read the book for free – well, for helping to market it. 

The next thing I know, I’m filling out a form that I got for clicking on the link. I wasn’t sure I wanted to do all the marketing tasks, so I checked a box saying that I do some. And I had to write a short essay about why I thought I should be part of his launch team. Maybe I should have written: “Because I’m positive that Michael Jr was talking to me on that video!” But instead I wrote that I only saw him once and was impressed that he was truly a comedian who could do a show with kids in the audience, very clean. I think I also said something about being a slow reader. 

I waited for a day and when I didn’t get an email, I felt somewhat snubbed. Haa haa! Then in a couple days, I got an email that they would choose who would be on the team in a couple of days. I think after that I forgot to check my email, because I saw that one had been in my inbox for 2 days. 

That email had a link to a video of Michael Jr. In it, he was excited about his book and about the launch team. Kind of funny that as I was listening to him, I was thinking, “There’s probably so many people who applied that I won’t get chosen”, and then my thought went to “but I’m really not a good person for his team”. 

Michael Jr said in the video that those who were chosen to be on the launch team would be on the credits at the end of the video. I almost didn’t watch because I was pretty sure I wasn’t on the list. Then it started, there was only one name on the list, “Michael Jr.” that’s it. Then he came back on the video saying he was just kidding and the real list would really be coming up. 

Aaarrrggghhh! Of course it was in an alphabetical order, that meant I would have to wait…(I’m a Wilson)…and wait. (I seriously need to marry a man with the last name starting with the letter closer to the beginning of the alphabet!)

And then, there it was! My name was in the credits‼️

What⁉️ Why would I get picked❓❓ 

WHHHHAAAATTT???!? I’M ON IT!

Next thing I know, I was looking at my email account again and saw that I had an email welcoming me to the team. This email had launch team instructions and the link to read the book.

Usually, I’m a slow reader, especially if I don’t grasp what’s being said or it’s a slow beginning. But, from the beginning, I felt like GOD put this book in my hands at this time for a reason! And as I read, I felt like Michael Jr didn’t just want to make people laugh but rather he genuinely wants to help people.

Somehow in the span of about 5 hours, I read the first 10 chapters; including writing notes in my journal, praying, crying, laughing, and rereading parts. 

By the time I stopped reading for the night, I really knew this book was supposed to be in my hands. And GOD made it possible for me to be reading it because He was planning to use this book: the stories and questions, to go into the deep crevices of my heart, break through some walls and allow some hope to seep in like a light into a dark room.

I confess, I was kind of thinking and daydreaming how cool it would be if Michael Jr were somehow able to connect me to (or was a connection) I need in order to get Humble Valley Ranch from a multi-night dream that GOD gave me almost 20 years ago to be…from heaven to earth…i.e: the connection to bring it into reality! (I will have to write about the recurring dream of Humble Valley Ranch in another blog.)

But then I read, “‘Are you asking ‘What can I give?’ Or, are you asking the default question, ‘What can I get?’ If you don’t choose which of these questions to ask, you will by nature ask, ‘What can I get?’ When you make the decision to change your question, I guarantee you will find much better answers.”

I started asking, “GOD, what do I have that I can give to Michael Jr and his team for allowing me the privilege of being on the launch team and getting to read this book for free?”

At some point in the book he writes, “I’m asking you to pause right now and literally take 3 minutes and come up with something you can do to help someone you have encountered recently. Like really just take a few beats and do it now. DO IT NOW PLEASE.”

So I did. “Hey Google, set a timer ⌛ for 3 minutes.”

“Okay, setting a ⏳ for 3 minutes.”

I wrote my pat answers, “I can pray for them, encourage them…I can write on my blog.” Well, okay I’m not sure how writing on my blog would help anyone. But I had to get a new journal out because I was at the end of my old one. So, I needed to write about why I was writing quotes from this guy, Michael Jr, in my new journal. And, the next thing I know, I realized that I was literally writing my next blog…well that is if Michael Jr and his team approve of it. (If you were reading this, they approved).

Michael Jr encourages readers to pursue God to find their purpose using their gifts, talents, skills, past, situations and circumstances and then set out into that purpose trusting God to take care of the details. 

Michael Jr says,”…Some of the greatest things in life happen outside of our comfort zone.”

Later in that chapter, he asks “When was the last time you stepped out of your comfort zone?”

I feel like I’m stepping out of my comfort zone because I have no clue if anyone will even see this or read it. I have very few followers on my blog and I get maybe a dozen or two people reading it… and strangely, most of those people are from China, who somehow find it through their web searches…

BIG SIGH!! 

My blog page is just a way to put a little hope and encouragement out there on the web to people who might stumble on it and if GOD wills, lead someone to a saving and intimate relationship with JESUS.

Yeppers, I am stepping out in faith, stepping out of my comfort zone to send this to Michael Jr and team. Stepping out in faith to put it on my website. Stepping out of my comfort zone.

Go read the book. DO IT NOW PLEASE. 

Funny How Life Works Book by Michael Jr, available on March 2, 2021!

Pre-order your #FunnyHowLifeWorks book here: https://amzn.to/2YkzGFv

#FunnyHowLifeWorks

@MichaelJrComedy

Read the reviews: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/56567072

5th Anniversary of a sacrifice

If you have not already read my early writings, please check them out on my website, here’s the first one. I have written about the process and journey of becoming a live liver donor for a friend’s husband.

October 22, 2020 will have been 5 years since we had surgeries. Here’s our update and story.

Can you believe that it’s been 5 years since I donated part of my liver to Lupe? Me neither – only it feels much longer than 5 years! Time is a strange thing.

Last I heard, Lupe is still cancer-free. He was permitted to go to work, but with him having a sensitive immune system, he is not working because of covid-19 in our world. He still has pain daily but has a good attitude. He’s also very grateful for each day he gets with his family and friends – and for each opportunity he has to share Jesus with someone.

Since the last update, I am still having abdominal pain as well as back pain. I was not approved for back surgery and doctors say that there is no way to really see if I am allergic to titanium. SIGH! I am still using a cane and have been unable to drive since February 2019. I have been blessed with SSDI and also In Home Support Services has allowed me to have care providers come into the house where I live to help with laundry, bed changing, errands, cooking and taking me to appointments. I would have never imagined being in pain for 5 years, being this young and needing care providers, not being able to drive or even walk very far by myself – BUT GOD…

GOD is faithful, GOD has not left me and I know that GOD loves me. I know that GOD is sovereign, GOD is in control and that GOD has a plan. I’m not sure why He has allowed this for me, but I trust GOD completely – more than I did 5 years ago. More than anything now, my prayer is that GOD will be glorified in and through all we have been through.

If you haven’t known GOD or JESUS personally, I would encourage you to seek Him while He can be found. Your life won’t become suddenly easy, but you will know a peace that surpasses all understanding. You will know that the GOD who created you still holds you in His hand and He loves you more than you can ever imagine.

There’s MORE to come please be willing to go the distance.

Recently I was at an outdoor church service. The breeze was pleasant, the worship music was wonderful and the Spirit of the LORD was present. It seems like I don’t experience the LORD’S presence as often as I used to. I closed my eyes to drink in every drop as though His presence was longed for water in a hot and dreary land.

As I closed my eyes, a vision started. I could see a boat that was struggling to make it ashore and a very bright and beautiful lighthouse beckoning it to move forward, closer and closer to the shore.

I have been very exhausted mentally, emotionally and physically due to the high pain in my body, so this vision wasn’t a surprise. It’s sometimes a struggle to even feel like I am moving much less moving forward.

But then the vision started to change. It was as if the boat was on a flat surface and would at some point fall off. I thought of what the world would be like if the earth were flat as was the understanding in our Earth’s history. Many people were afraid that if they took their boat too far, it would fall off the world and never return.

As I thought about it briefly, the vision changed again. This time the boat was going the distance and returning with a bounty of new experiences.

My friend, do you feel like you are at the end of yourself? Or maybe you feel like you or your life is worthless? Do you feel like that boat that is struggling to move forward? Or maybe you just want to be on the boat that goes over the edge of the world so you don’t have to go on?

If this is you, please let GOD show you how much He loves you and how much He has in store for your life. Let me encourage you to be in the boat that goes the distance and experiences so much more than you can imagine or fathom.

And if you have any thoughts or plans about suicide, I plead with you to call 1-800-273-8255(TALK) or 988.

GOD has not finished your story, it’s not the end. I know sometimes it’s hard to move forward, but even if you feel like you aren’t moving or moving backwards, please hold on.

I pray for you that GOD will intervene in such a way that you know He is working on your behalf. I pray that GOD will envelop you in His arms and that you’ll know His presence. I pray that you will be able to say with me “; BUT GOD…” I love you my friend, so make the call for me.

Your story is not over. There may be much that you still need to get through that will be hard, but there are people you have not met who have yet to come into your life. There are places that you will go that you haven’t been to yet. You have family and friends who love you. And most of all, you are a survivor, a victor! Lean into GOD and let Him help you live out your story.

Gifts from GOD

In my last blog, I wrote about how GOD’S goodness and mercy are different than what we might think they are.

Well, this time I want to write about how His gifts to us can sometimes be quite different than we think, imagine or fathom.

Several months ago, a friend of mine was reading to me from a book called, “Calm my anxious heart,” by Linda Dillow. She was reading from chapter four, “Content with My Role”.

She read, “‘Linda, you are one of the few married women I know was happy. I have observed the wives and our mission. Of the 40 I know, only three are glad to be married.’ This is a sobering comment from a single missionary woman I respected. could she be right? Do women who love Christ and desire to serve Him truly give the impression that they are discontinued in their marriages? Fred, a singles pastor, made an equally disturbing observation. When asked if the single women in the church were content with their singleness, he replied, ‘Absolutely not! Every week I have weepy women in my office convinced are doomed to a life of loneliness. They’re treading water biding time until Mr. Right comes along. They believe that singleness is not the complete will of GOD.'”

We discussed how each role that GOD allows us to walk in is a gift. Whether the role of child, student, single, married, parent, widow, etc. These are seasons of our lives that GOD gives us as gifts. And just because we are in one season, it doesn’t mean that we will be in that season for the rest of our lives.

After we talked, my friend was praying for me and thanking GOD for the gifts of the roles He has chosen for each of us. As she prayed for me, I imagined a fancy gift box that I was opening and upon looking into it, I set it aside and saw myself asking GOD for the next gift. Ugghh! How horrible that I see the gift of singleness as if I have been given underwear and socks for Christmas instead of a cool toy or the thing I wanted most on my Christmas list!

It’s taken me some time to process this and to ask GOD to forgive me for rejecting the precious gift that He has given me because He knows it is the best gift for me. And during this time, I have also learned about another gift GOD has given me…the gift of disability!

Yes, along with our roles, we can look at other roles too. Manager, co-worker, employed, unemployed, military, part-time worker, volunteer, disabled. Each of these is also a gift from GOD.

I learned a few weeks ago that I am not a candidate for surgery and it’s possible that the pain in my spine and the weakness in my legs will get worse. This was sobering news. I went into a funk. I don’t want to live this way the rest of my life. What about my possible career and dreams? SIGH! This was a life sentence to pain

;BUT GOD…

GOD is able to heal me, but even if He doesn’t, He has chosen this for me because it’s the best gift for me. He knows what will help me to become the best version of myself. He knows what it will take for me to look to Him for everything.

2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Romans 5:3-4 Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope,

1 Peter 4:12-13 Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.

My housemate and I were talking about suffering producing character. I said that I should create a t-shirt that says, “I’ve been told that suffering produces character… I’m just not sure which character I want to be yet!”(I pictured the t-shirt with characters like Winnie the Pooh, Mickey Mouse, etc.) But I know the character I really want to display is the character of Christ.

His ways are far different than our ways. He knows what we need in our lives to grow us and mold us into the best versions of ourselves.

What gifts has GOD given to you that don’t feel like gifts? How can seeing them as gifts help you to trust GOD and find peace? What Christ-like character qualities do you want to see GOD develop in you?

LORD, please help us to receive the gifts that You have given us in our lives. Help us to see them as special gifts that we will appreciate and no longer see them as the gift we set aside in order to receive the “better gift”. Please help us to find peace and contentment in the roles You have given us. And help us to grow Christ-like character and qualities in our lives. LORD, Thank You for the gifts You have given us and will give us. Thank You that You know what is best for us. Thank You LORD. In JESUS name amen.

GOD’s goodness running after me

In my life, I have had two recurring dreams. These are dreams that you have one night and it either replays the same dream over, adds to the dream or replays and adds.


I was recently asked if I would be willing to write about some dreams I had when I was young. But I don’t know what they mean, so I was hesitant to write about them. Why bother?

When I was a child, I had the first recurring dream. It was the type where you have it the first night then the next night it is the same dream again with something added. This lasted four nights.

The weird thing is that I don’t remember much about the part I dreamed about all four nights, but I remember clearly about the dream on the third and fourth nights.

In the dream, I was running through a huge mansion and two tigers, a white one an an orange one, were chasing me. I went from room to room trying to get away. These are the rooms that I don’t recall the details of.

On the third night, I again was in the mansion being chased by a white tiger and and orange tiger 🐅 through the mansion. Then I came to a staircase with a large chandelier on the ceiling lighting the staircase. I ran up the twisting stairs to get to the second floor. There were three doors that were closed. I ran to the first, but it was locked. I ran to the second door, but it was locked. I turned to see the tigers were now at the top of the stairs. I turned and ran to the end of the hall to the last door, but it was locked. Then I woke up. SIGH! I was still alive and was afraid to go back to sleep.

But on the fourth night sleep came and I was once again in the mansion being chased by the tigers. Nothing had changed. It was all the same. I was running, tigers chasing me, many rooms, the staircase, the chandelier, the doors at the top of the stairs, the locked doors, the tigers on the second floor with me at the end of a hall that had no where else for me to go.

I turned to face my most certain death by turning towards the tigers. But to my astonishment, the tigers also turned so they were no longer chasing me. And then I saw them attack a dark shadowed figure. They were not chasing me, they were protecting me from whatever it was that was chasing me.

So why am I writing about my dream now? Because I know a little bit about this dream that I didn’t know before.

The other night I had a song called, “Goodness of GOD” playing in my head. I was brushing my teeth and humming the chorus with my eyes closed. And suddenly I was in a vision, I was in the dream and I saw the tigers.

The chorus lyrics are, “Your goodness is running after it’s running after me. Your goodness is running after, running after me. With all my life laid down I surrender, I give You everything. Your goodness is running after, it’s running after me.”

It suddenly occurred to me. I have been running from GOD’S goodness and mercy. I try to spot it in my life but have a very hard time doing so. And I see that it’s because it’s different than what I thought it was.

His goodness and mercy are dangerous and able to wound us if needed. But His goodness and mercy also protect us and inflict harm on that which chases us which is not of Him.  It’s hard to understand but the most simple thing too. I laugh, because this is so like the GOD I know Him to be.

And the doors? I believe that they are three things that I have had to surrender to GOD. And probably the reason I am just understanding the dream from my childhood is because I am finally surrendering the three hardest things to Him… My desire to be whole, to be able to work, and to minister to people through my career; the desire to get the medical help that I need in order to be restored to health; and my biggest desire, to be married to the godly man who will worship, pray and minister with me.

The chandelier was very, very intricate and large… I’m guessing it represents GOD’S WORD. But the rest of the dream, I have no idea.

I decided to write about this to ask those who read it: Are you running from GOD’S goodness? Do you see it in your life or is it something that is hard to spot?

Please ask yourself and ask GOD. And let me know what you hear.

Waiting for the Right Wave?

Waiting Preparing for the Right Wave 🌊🏄‍♀️

As I looked over the cliff to see the surfers in Capitola, California sometime between 2008 and 2015, I was spending time with GOD seeking His will in regards to a future husband, I believe that He told me to wait for the right wave. It was then that I saw a surfer ride his surfboard on a wave that took him all the way to the shore. Yes, I desire to be with the right one who will be with me until I reach the shore of life.

I had forgotten all about that conversation with GOD until recently.

The other day I was given a Word for my Brother-In-Christ: “GOD sees you beyond reproach no guilt, no shame. He loves you and the right wave is coming, wait for it.”

He is a surfer, so I figured he would have a reason why GOD would be telling him this. I stepped out in faith to give him the Word. And after it was sent, I was reminded of what GOD told me years ago.

On August 30th, a huge wave was pictured on the front page of the San Jose Mercy News (due to the Mavericks being cancelled again). I thought that it was pretty crazy to see this wave in the natural when waves were being shown to me in visions.

Bible verses that kept going through my mind were Mark 11:22-24: “And Jesus answered them, ‘Have faith in GOD. Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, “Be taken up and thrown into the sea,” and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”

I had a vision and thought…”Jesus said faith would move mountains into the sea,” so if the rock of the mountain went into the sea, what would happen? Well, a large wave would be created by a very large rock hitting the water.

I again stepped out in faith and sent my Brother-In-Christ a very lame drawing sharing my vision and thought.

Now mind you, I have no idea what “the right wave” means to my Brother-In-Christ. I only know what it means for me. I do pray that whatever “wave” GOD has for him will come soon and that it will be a ride of a lifetime.

GOD has been teaching me this summer that instead of waiting for surgery, career and spouse that I need to be preparing myself for what is to come.

Instead of waiting for surgery, I am doing what I can to stay strong. I walk daily.

Instead of waiting with my career on hold, I am listening to webinars and training videos, going to seminars and reading articles that will help me to grow and develop skills and understanding.

Instead of waiting for the right man to come into my life, I am doing what I can to better myself and I try to pray for my future husband daily.

We are all waiting on something. But what if instead of waiting, we prepared ourselves for what we are waiting for?

And since this is about waves 🌊, let me share a prayer acronym that I recently learned: W.A.V.E.

“Worship – Worshiping God reminds us of who He is and of His love and care for us. Jesus modeled this in His teaching about prayer.

Admit your Sin – The A in the WAVE model of prayer stands for admission. This reconnects us in our fellowship with God. Our relationship with God is unchanged by sin, but our fellowship is damaged. Fellowship is a word that is defined by sharing, being in community with, and partaking together.

Voice Gratitude – The V in WAVE stands for voice your gratitude. The Bible says that every good and perfect thing comes from God.

Earnestly Ask – God wants to hear what we want from Him.” No, we won’t receive all we was ask for – but as our Heavenly Father, He wants what is appropriate and best for us.

WAVE method of praying is from the “Dropping In” devotional by Shane Sabastian on the YouVersion Bible App.

I will be trying to put a prayer on my Twitter page daily. Some will be for singles and some for future spouses but GOD willing, they will have purpose and meaning for those who read them. If you want to join me, check out: www. Twitter. com/humblevalley.

I pray that we won’t fear the waves 🌊 in our lives but that we will look at them in anticipation of a stoked ride!🏄‍♀️🏄‍♂️

THROUGH FIRE AND DELAY

Have you ever felt like you were studying for a test through the things that repeat over and over during a week or season? This past week, I was starting to get that feeling through the repetition in the devotionals, sermons, verses, and songs I was reading and hearing.

Devotional, sermon and verses on Delay! Delay! https://www.desiringgod.org/messages/even-when-it-hurts; www.crosswalk.com/devotionalsdesert/streams-in-the-desert-august-10th.html; and John 11:5-6 “Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. 6 So, when He heard that Lazarus was ill, He stayed two days longer in the place where He was.” (NOTE THIS: Jesus Loved them, SO, therefore, He delayed going to them!)

And multiple devotions, verses and a song on walking through (or being in) the fire: Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in Daniel 3; The Refiner’s fire song + Malachi 3; and Isaiah 43:1-2. (NOTE THIS: GOD is not only in the fire with us, but He is the one who is stoking the fire to make it hot enough to refine us!)

The week was also a hot one in San Jose – we were in the 90’s five days in a row (which is a lot for us). On our hottest day, I went out for a walk right before the sun went down. I was amazed that despite the heat, a majority of the flowers were a more vibrant color than I had remembered them being the morning before.(NOTE THIS: the flowers were more vibrant after 5 days of 90 degree heat!)

I found myself talking to GOD about all the devotionals, sermon, verses and song that had come up in the week + my awe of how beautiful the flowers were after the heat. “LORD, should I be preparing for something? I really want to be able to walk or even ‘dance’ through the fire knowing You are with me. And I want to believe that You allow delay because You love me. Please help me to be more vibrant because of the heat if that is Your plan for me.” (NOTE THIS: DON’T pray a prayer like that if you really don’t mean it, because GOD will answer it!)

Since my last post, I had a CT

Myelogram (CT scan after dye is injected into the epidural sac of the spine). The prayer i was asking agreement for was “for GOD to clearly shine His light on whatever issues were going on in my body in a way that they would be clearly reported”.

The report shows I have issues with L3-L4 and an epidural lipomatosis (fatty mass) at L5-S1. On August 5, my doctor’s office sent out a request for authorization (RFA) for a 3 part surgery, hospital stay, commode, walker, medicine, back brace, bone stimulator for purchase, and post-op 12 session aqua therapy.

I was so excited to think I might be moving forward in my health situation. I also had an awesome dream several days after my surgeon said he would send out the RFA. In the dream, I walked without a cane. And it seemed so real that I was questioning if it was real or a dream.

Ohhh, and I forgot to mention, not

sure why I was asking prayer for “issues in my body” to be highlighted, but the CT scan also showed that I have metal surgical clips in the right upper quadrant of my body from the liver resection.

This is extremely interesting to me

since I still have pain since the liver donation surgery (from 10/22/15, see earlier posts). After checking details in the surgical report and asking the doctor at UCSF, I found out that there are clips and staples made of titanium. It was suggested that I get tested for titanium allergy.

It would be very weird to find out

that the continued pain is from a metal allergy, so very interested to find out if that’s the case. My Primary Care Physician is in the process of requesting the allergy testing for titanium.

It just seems like everything is going along on track and I am finally getting the much needed help I have been praying for…

Then they showed up at my door!

They being 8 large white envelopes from the insurance review board. )0; I knew instantly the bad news within. Sigh!

I wanted to cry, but instead took some deep breaths and prayed for GOD to help me to be strong. I opened each envelope that revealed another item on the RFA was denied and the last one opened revealed that the surgery itself was denied too. Yep, it was bad news. Denial hurts!

So how can I apply what I learned

earlier in the week? Jesus allows delays because He loves us. Maybe this is just a delay and not a complete denial. And even though I had already been walking through a fire due to increased pain again, it feels hotter now because once again I have no idea how long it will be before I experience some relief. This because I have had all the treatments available to me already except surgery (or healing straight from the LORD).

I have asked my attorney to appeal

for surgery and several other items that were denied. And the titanium allergy testing should be soon.

I know GOD is on His throne and He

is in control. I am trying my darndest to trust GOD. I know He loves me and ultimately, I want Him to get the highest glory from denials and delays.

“God heard. God remembered. God

saw. God took notice! Because we serve a God who never changes, you can be sure that God has heard your particular groaning and prayers. God hasn’t forgotten His promises to you. God sees what you’re going through, and God has taken notice of your individual life.” (From a devotional I was reading.)

Psalm 27:13-14 New American Standard Bible (NASB)

13 I would have despaired unless I

had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord In the land of the living.

14 Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord.

GOD’S JUSTICE IS LIKE THE OCEAN TIDES.

In GOD’S Strength

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 The Message “I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size — abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over. And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.”

I didn’t realize that I have not been on here for almost a year!  I have not known what to write because there has been so much pain, opposition, frustration and well, bad breaks. I don’t even know where to start…

I thought my new career was underway, but there’s been yet another detour in my life. I’m betting that in GOD’S economy, it’s not a detour, it’s probably just part of the planned journey that I was not expecting.

In mid-July I woke up with 8.5/10 pain in my spine that didn’t drop below a 7/10 until an epidural in early October.

The end of July, I had to put my fur-baby Bebe down because she was not well.  I thought I could just work through these things, but I found myself crying all the time and unable to even think. By August, I realized that I had a mental breakdown!

It was near impossible for me to look for a job so I sought out help.

In December, I was expecting to get back surgery but the insurance company denied it 5 times (maybe I will write that story another time).

Since then, I have had progressing disability – February 2019, I became weak in my legs. I was given a walker and medication and told not to drive. Then in about March, neuropathy started in my left foot.

I am getting medical help, but it has been slow going and extremely frustrating.

I am not saying all this for sympathy. It’s been a hard road and I have no idea when or how it will end. BUT, one thing I can tell you is that GOD has been so faithful to provide for me every step of the way.

I have an understanding housemate and no fear of losing the roof over my head. I have an abundance of groceries and food between Calfresh and the many people who bless me with food. I have had money to pay bills between short-term disability, the IRS auditing me and sending me money they owed me, blessings and gifts from friends and sometimes unknown people. I have been blessed with a Christian PCP who prays for me, an awesome counselor who builds me up and affirms me, friends who encourage me and drive me everywhere I need to go and…

I know that I am in a desert place, but GOD has provided an oasis in the desert. He has become more real and present to me than in any other time in my life.

Sigh. It’s been hard to admit that I have a disability.  I am unable to go wherever I want to go by myself, unable to drive and have freedom of coming and going. I am unable to do the things that I want to do – to work and earn a living, to garden, to volunteer more than I do, to give more than a widow’s mite. I sometimes can’t even get up the stairs!

BUT I am starting to see that GOD can and will be glorified if I focus on Him instead of the disability. Do I do this perfectly? No. I am trying hard to find the gift in this, to take the limitations in stride and find joy in the midst of suffering. And as I get weaker, the stronger GOD shows Himself to be.