In GOD’S Strength

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 The Message “I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size — abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over. And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.”

I didn’t realize that I have not been on here for almost a year!  I have not known what to write because there has been so much pain, opposition, frustration and well, bad breaks. I don’t even know where to start…

I thought my new career was underway, but there’s been yet another detour in my life. I’m betting that in GOD’S economy, it’s not a detour, it’s probably just part of the planned journey that I was not expecting.

In mid-July I woke up with 8.5/10 pain in my spine that didn’t drop below a 7/10 until an epidural in early October.

The end of July, I had to put my fur-baby Bebe down because she was not well.  I thought I could just work through these things, but I found myself crying all the time and unable to even think. By August, I realized that I had a mental breakdown!

It was near impossible for me to look for a job so I sought out help.

In December, I was expecting to get back surgery but the insurance company denied it 5 times (maybe I will write that story another time).

Since then, I have had progressing disability – February 2019, I became weak in my legs. I was given a walker and medication and told not to drive. Then in about March, neuropathy started in my left foot.

I am getting medical help, but it has been slow going and extremely frustrating.

I am not saying all this for sympathy. It’s been a hard road and I have no idea when or how it will end. BUT, one thing I can tell you is that GOD has been so faithful to provide for me every step of the way.

I have an understanding housemate and no fear of losing the roof over my head. I have an abundance of groceries and food between Calfresh and the many people who bless me with food. I have had money to pay bills between short-term disability, the IRS auditing me and sending me money they owed me, blessings and gifts from friends and sometimes unknown people. I have been blessed with a Christian PCP who prays for me, an awesome counselor who builds me up and affirms me, friends who encourage me and drive me everywhere I need to go and…

I know that I am in a desert place, but GOD has provided an oasis in the desert. He has become more real and present to me than in any other time in my life.

Sigh. It’s been hard to admit that I have a disability.  I am unable to go wherever I want to go by myself, unable to drive and have freedom of coming and going. I am unable to do the things that I want to do – to work and earn a living, to garden, to volunteer more than I do, to give more than a widow’s mite. I sometimes can’t even get up the stairs!

BUT I am starting to see that GOD can and will be glorified if I focus on Him instead of the disability. Do I do this perfectly? No. I am trying hard to find the gift in this, to take the limitations in stride and find joy in the midst of suffering. And as I get weaker, the stronger GOD shows Himself to be.


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